forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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