finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You have to summon your inner elephant
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
