Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
