I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
