I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
