i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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