Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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