All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
