Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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