dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
