You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
