My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
