You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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