YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
