Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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