Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
