we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's official drugs can't kill me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
