I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
