she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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