it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
