Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
