yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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