like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
