Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
