perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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