I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
