I am spending my child support on dildos
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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