I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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