hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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