Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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