oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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