I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
