Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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