There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
