Already got asked if we're dating
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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