when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
