how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
