Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
