i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.