i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
