He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?