Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
