question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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