Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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