dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.