Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.