look no pants
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
