I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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