The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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