grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
