he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we made out on top of his cat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
