I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
