Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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