Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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