I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
