Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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