I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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