He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the day after is always just damage control
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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