super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
