i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
