Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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