It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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