oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
