Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
