hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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