apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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