Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
