good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When are your genitals available?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
