and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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