there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want nice things and good sex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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