Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
