Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
