I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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